I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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