just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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