are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
