i think my mom watched the whole time
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
