I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
