I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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