I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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