my phone needs a breathalizer
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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