I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
