we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
