Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize