I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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