k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
