I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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