I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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