I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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