U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
3 2 1 whiskey
my poor anus
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
