i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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