You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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