I hate all girls vehemently.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
