My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
