actually, I'm a sock model
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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