The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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