so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
