Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
