i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
