someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
