hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
