hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
