I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
