I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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