please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Randomize
