billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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