Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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