Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
