Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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