he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
