He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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