I need help removing her.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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