I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
