I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
