I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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