he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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