I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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