She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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