oh god the rape fog is back!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
