Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
