omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
