i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
