I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
