70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
