i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
