hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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