ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
