guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize