he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
