Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
