Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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