Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
