this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
