she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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