Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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