omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
