Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
