ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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