i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
