is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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