My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize