Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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