I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
