I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
