I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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