I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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