i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
