I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
