don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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