Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
