Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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