there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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