you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
