dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
