Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
