Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
