just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
