I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
