I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
