Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
