You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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