apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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