Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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