Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize