my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
