What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize