Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
