i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
