We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
