Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
