yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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