Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
