Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
